vicemag:

About a month ago I interviewed Carrie Brownstein on the telephone and she was a 100 percent crotch. I should have known that this was going to be the case, because when you mention her name to almost anyone, it seems like their eyes light up and they get a burst of energy, as though they have been waiting for years to get the chance to say that yes, they have spoken to her as well, and she is in fact a crusty, crabby, crotch face. The major difference between those people and myself, however, is that I don’t care. I like, NAY, I value and respect people who are crotches, because it’s honest and true. The majority of people I’m friends with are crotches, and I myself am a member of the crotch club. Sure sure, I’ll smile a crooked smile at you and steal your heart like the fucking Dillion Panthers, but in my mind I am wishing and praying that I could go through life never having to talk to anyone, ever, most of all you (chances are that this applies to whoever “you” are, unless you’re funny and hot, (like Carrie Brownstein) or are offering me a snack or a tasty beverage).

Continue: Kelly’s Krush Kroner - Carrie Brownstein